When I was a kid I fostered love for certain baseball players the good ol’ fashioned way: by the utterly random proximity to teams based on where I was born and/or lived. I personally had two options: the SF Giants or the Oakland A’s. Unfortunately I really didn’t have a choice as my parents pushed the Giants on me from Day 1. Grandparents were Giants fans, cousins were Giants fans. Probably a 10-1 ratio on live Giants games vs. live A’s games. San Francisco being the “cool” city in the Bay Area, Oakland being kind of the dump. So a Giants fan I was.

The first favorite, as most know, was Will Clark. The lefty first baseman who defied Candlestick’s terrible conditions to post great numbers and played with a zeal only opponents couldn’t love. Sure, he aged about 15 years every time he took his hat off, and the less he said out loud the better, but all I wanted to do from ages 6-12 was play first base in Candlestick. I wasn’t too interested in wearing eye black (I think I only took part in this ritual one time, during one of the more goofy practices of my hgh school daze), though Clark seemed to dig it and he didn’t put it on like a doofus, so no harm no foul.

Being a fan of pitching, I tried to get into various Giants pitchers without any success at all. My pitching windup in baseball mimicked John Burkett’s for some reason, and I was probably about as electrifying (as in, not at all). But I wasn’t a fan of him anymore than I was a fan of Wednesdays or a fan of bread, and I didn’t pretend to be.

Bonds showed up in 1993 and promptly dominated, but it took me time for him to grow on me, thanks mostly in part to the evil sports media who all hated Bonds and caused me to proceed carefully…until I realized the sports media was full of shit and thus embraced Bonds as truly one of the greatest to ever play the game. Ironically, this coincided around the same time with Bonds’ (*ahem*, alleged) beginnings in the world of ‘roids, and soon after that, AT&T Park (originally Pac Bell Park, then SBC Park, and now AT&T Park…lord do I detest corporate sponsorships or stadiums) was built with its little cove behind right field that only Bonds could hit.

As an adult though, I obviously don’t find myself finding “favorite” players the way I used to: by blindly picking the best player on my favorite team. No it’s much more sophisticated nowadays, as I throw my loyalty and dedication to those who help my fantasy teams the most, especially those I feel I “found”. The league I’m in is a keeper league, so it pays off to find the rookies or prospects before others and hold on to them for dear life if they show even the slightest hint of potential. Which is why I had Mark Prior on my team until last year. I didn’t want him to “put it together” on someone else’s team. Now I just want him to freakin’ pitch one more inning before he retires.

Joe Mauer – C – Minnesota Twins

I drafted Joe before the 2005 season because who doesn’t want a highly-touted left-handed catcher who’s 6′5, takes walks like a pro, doesn’t strike out, and features that chiseled jawline? He proceeded to win two batting titles and play above even my own massive expectations, the only disappointment being his lack of power (only 44 HRs in 2388 ABs). He’s now a career .317/.399/.457 hitter, excellent for a catcher, but I had to drop him before the 2009 season since he once again found himself on the DL, in addition to years 2005 and 2007. Too brittle, possibly. My new catcher is currently rocking a .128 avg with a stellar .446 OPS, and I feel it’s karma coming back at me for dropping my boy. Sure, he was a catcher with back problems, and calf problems, and about a dozen other leg problems that aren’t going to heal if he’s sitting behind home plate for 145 games a year, but that SWING! How could I drop that swing?! I deserve this. Now Mauer is due back in the lineup Friday for his first AB of 2009, and he only has one less extra base hit than his replacement on my team. Sorry, Joe. I didn’t know what I had, ’til it was gone.

Rich Harden – P – Chicago Cubs

I drafted the then-22 year old Harden in 2004 when he looked like the Oakland A’s newest “where the hell did he come from?” pitcher, following in the footsteps of Zito, Mulder, and Hudson. He had problems throwing strikes sometimes, but he threw gas, struck out about 8 per 9 IP, and, most importantly, had an ERA below 4.00 despite barely being old enough to drink. Since then he’s done nothing but strike lots of guys out, become nearly impossible to hit, and get injured pretty much every year. Despite this, I could not and still cannot drop him from my team. I knew if I did, he’s suddenly gonna find some miracle tonic and put together the 23-4, 2.14 ERA season I’ve been waiting years for.

On top of that, as the visiting team clubhouse guy, brother Terry tried to become buddy-buddy with Rich in hopes of getting an invite to his place in Victoria BC when I made the trek up there for the 2007 Victoria Marathon. For some reason, Rich didn’t seem too hot on the idea, but he was nice and even personalized a ball for me. I can only imagine him at his place, fervently hitting refresh on his computer the day of the marathon, checking my 5k splits. Sorry to disappoint you, Rich!

In 2009, 27 year-old Rich is still on my team and has so far been healthy, going 2-1 with a fine-for-now 3.86 ERA and an always-enjoyable 15.0 K/9 ratio. He’s on pace for 189 IP and 315 Ks. I’ll take it…though I know he’ll have shoulder problems in June and will only barely crack the 100 IP mark. By now, I understand and accept this.

I only wish I could have hung with Harden the night before my marathon back in ‘07. I understand his trepidation or utter lack on interest, but I really think doing J’gerbombs with him until 3am (him paying, of course) would have resulted in a better performance. At least it couldn’t have been worse.

Zack Greinke – P – Kansas City Royals

Short Version

Pre-2004: Hyped as next big thing, shades of Greg Maddux, electric stuff, great accuracy. I grow fantasy boner.

2004: Good rookie year, losing record for crap team, sub-4 ERA and few walks. Not quite Greg Maddux-esque but not bad for a 20 year old who still can’t grow facial hair.

2005: 5-17, nearly league-worst ERA (79th of 81) for crap team. Terry got his autograph for me late in the season, surely to Greinke’s confusion.

2006: Diagnosed with anxiety disorder & depression, misses nearly all of 2006. The ordeal endears him to me even more as he slowly battles back in the minors.

2007: Royals opening day starter, he combines starts with bullpen work, finishes with another sub 4.00 ERA. Comeback Player of My Year, permanent spot in my heart’s HOF.

2008: Becomes legitimately effective AL starter with a winning record (13-10) for a not-as-crap team, still ignored by ESPN.

2009: 29 IP so far without an earned run, 4-0. Now looks old enough to vote. Still ignored by ESPN in favor of 5 hour Yanks/Red Sox games, new Yankee Stadium news, news on injuries to Yankee pitchers who aren’t good enough to clean Greinke’s jockstrap, and how new Yankee Nick Swisher’s .280 avg has rejuvenated NYC.

Long Version

Just like Harden, I drafted Zack Greinke in 2004 after hearing about how he was “Grag Maddux-esque” and forming ludicrously large expectations. As in, “wow, maybe he’ll also be considered one of the greatest pitchers of all time by the time he retires too!” as I sat back confidently in my chair, drafting Zack about 7 rounds too early. He finished well his rookie year, like Harden coming in under the 4.00 ERA barrier. Unlike Harden, Zack captured my heart with his ability to pound the strike zone, only walking 26 in 145 IP in a slight nod to the man to whom he was being compared. He was 8-11, but he pitched for the 58-104 Royals, and he was only 20, so I let that pass and looked forward to a Cy Young 2005 campaign.

2005 rolled around and Zack’s final line of 5-17, 5.80 ERA sadly did not merit him the Cy Young as the voters instead went with Bartolo Colon (21-8, 3.48), who since then has pitched about one full season’s-length (209 IP), gone 12-16 with a 5.55 ERA. But that’s neither here nor there.

My proof-that’s-not-really-proof that I’ve always been a Greinke fanboy comes from the image of that autographed ball, which my brother got me for me at my request…in 2005! The Royals were in the midst of their 19 game losing streak you may or may not remember (it was one of the only things to get them on ESPN), and I procured free tickets to watch Greinke end the streak some hot August evening here in Seattle. He pitched okay, technically submitting a “quality start” (3 ER in 6 IP) and dropping his ERA from 6.09 to 6.02. Nevertheless, the Royals still lost, their 17th in a row, and dropped to 38-80 as a team. Sometime in the middle of this craziness, Terry got the autograph, and I vaguely recall him describing the encounter in the clubhouse with an absurdly-shy Greinke, who seemed a little weirded out by the guy who really wanted the autograph of a pitcher who was at the time 3-14 with an ERA over 6.00. I could see him wondering if this would be some sort of gag gift to a friend.

“Hey look, I got you the autograph of the worst player in the major leagues!!”

It was nothing of the sort as I always held out hope that one day Greinke would materialize into the “as good as Greg Maddux” pitcher I’d been told he could be a couple years back. Then it was discovered that he had some sort of anxiety disorder and may never pitch again, which ironically (or not) only made me like him and pull for him more. He missed almost all of the 2006 season, coming back to pitch a couple innings out of the pen late in the year and expressing a newfound love for the game. I was as relieved as the Royals front office if not moreso.

He pitched mostly out of the bullpen in all of 2007 as well, mixing in a few starts and making a giant leap forward, his ERA back down to 3.67 (2.42 in the 2nd half) and striking out more than a batter per inning as a reliever. He was now good enough for me to *seriously* draft him in the 2008 draft instead of making him my annual “joke pick that I make in the final round”.

Another leap forward was made in ‘08, Zack going 13-10 as solely a starter now for the slowly-improving 75-87 Royals, his 3.47 ERA and 8.1 K/9 marks being career bests.

Which brings us to today. I kept Greinke in my keeper league, even though I probably could have drafted him back in the 2nd or 3rd round, simply because I didn’t want to risk losing him at all to any of my brother’s idiot friends. And now he’s 4-0 with 29 earned run-less innings under his belt to start the year (43 straight dating back to last year) and an ridonkulous 11.2 K/9 ratio, as well as his lowest BB/9 ratio since his rookie year.

While I detest superstition and baseless faith, I do admit to feeling that slight irrational fear when Greinke steps on the mound, as if the other shoe is about to drop and the honeymoon will end. Perhaps that 5-17 season from 4 years ago holds a bit too much strength in my memory. Perhaps because he looks like he just got his drivers license. Perhaps because I keep rehashing that thought of him interacting very awkwardly with my brother and splicing it with thought of him having the confidence to try and blow fastballs past the best baseball hitters in the world. It just doesn’t compute that he can be dominating like this. I do stupid things like refuse to open his game up on Gamecast at work because he seems to pitch better when I’m not paying close attention. I’ll watch another game and instead just keep an eye on the score/inning of the game he’s involved in, choosing not to know how many are on base or how many out there are each inning and instead just wait to see another scoreless inning go by. I know it doesn’t help…but I can’t help it*.

EAT: I just got wind from my close personal friend Joe Posnanski that Greinke will be on the cover of the next issue of SI. The first Royal since 1993. I…I do think I’ll be purchasing that one.

*It doesn’t help when I break down Friday and finally, for the *first time*, log into mlb.tv and actually watch Zack pitch live during his last start, versus the Tigers. When I had left work he had thrown two scoreless innings and been spotted a 3-0 lead, helping me make the bold decision to actually watch him, jinx be damned. By the time I got home and logged on, the top of the 5th was just starting, and it was this inning, my first EVER watching aside from that one game I saw him pitch up here in ‘05, where his scoreless streak ended thanks to a freak error. I know it wasn’t my fault, but it actually took a little strength to not shut my computer down immediately and wait to check the results later that night.</p> <p>I stuck with it, and was rewarded with the 7th, 8th, and 9th innings, where Greinke struck out six Tigers swinging at six sliders in the dirt. It was like he was pitching to a bunch of little leaguers, or Clint Wattenberg. I finally believe now. He probably won’t finish with a 0.00 ERA, but he’s for real.

Vladimir Guerrrero – OF/DH/DL – LA Angels

Vladdy Daddy is unique to this list in that I’ve actually never had him on my fantasy team, though I would probably totally overpay for him if he was offered to me, just to have his goofy self in the family. Vladdy is possibly one of the most exciting, strange, and interesting players I’ve ever seen play the game, and his was the first autograph Terry ever got me.

Simply put, the guy has no plate discipline and refuses to wear batting gloves, but somehow manages to hit balls–thrown anywhere–all over the field, with power. He’ll swing at a 3-0 pitch two feet outside and at his feet and pull it down the line for a 400 ft homerun. He’ll fist an 0-2 pitch near his head over the right field wall. You just don’t blink when he’s up because he defies convention. Pitch strategy goes out the window with him. He’s the guy most likely to pull a Kelly Leak if someone tried to intentionally walk him* (though instead of getting tossed out at home, today’s Guerrero would probably only make a weak turn at first base). Despite all this, he seems to NEVER strike out (never more than 95) and he’s NEVER hit less than .307 in a full season. When he played for the Expos he galloped the bases more than ran them, had that cannon arm in right field, and the thought of him working the Montreal nightlife was as effective an anti-depressant as anything.

*On a related note, Guerrero has received 240 career intentional walks. This is 5th all-time, behind only Bonds, Hank Aaron, McCovey, and Griffey Jr. He’ll probably pass all but Bonds before his career is over, injuries notwithstanding. Also, an absurd 35.8% of Vladdy’s career walks total have been intentional. Barry Bonds’ career intentional rate was only 26.9%. Griffey’s only at 19.4%. ManRam’s at 15.9%. This isn’t to suggest that Vladdy is a better hitter than the others, it’s just to point out that pitchers don’t seem to mess around with the idea of “pitching around” Guerrero, because of his afore-mentioned ability to hit any pitch anywhere and with power. No, if they want to be careful, they just go ahead and have the catcher stand five feet away from the plate.

A couple years ago though he seemed to start aging exponentially, becoming only a part-time fielder who made routine flyballs into must-see TV and going from a 40-40 threat to a guy who causes me to cringe just watching him limp from the on-deck circle to the plate. Now he’s on the DL, and will probably make periodic trips back to the DL for the remainder of his career, however long that lasts. I do know I will never be changing the channel anytime Vladdy comes up on Fox Saturday Baseball.

And for some reason I find his autograph hilarious.