New Year’s Resolutions Progress Check

Making and soon thereafter breaking New Year’s resolutions is a time-honored tradition on this side of the country. People have been doing it since the 1940s. As God’s children though we are born in sin and suggestible to marketing, and coupled with our oftentimes absurd goals (“lose weight,” “make more sex,” lol), we usually make self-deprecating light of our resolutions, knowing we’ll eventually fall off the wagon but maybe not for a whole week and hey it’s all ok because so will everyone else and at the end of the year we’ll address all our weaknesses again and make another half-hearted go at it.

I am no exception. Ok that’s a lie, I usually am. But this year I went all in with goals. Thousands of goals. I know I wouldn’t be able to hold all hundreds of them, but maybe if I set 50 14 goals, I’d still be holding on to a couple by the end of the year. “Self-betterment” is my theme for 2013. It’s been a week, so let’s get a progress report:


  • Make a “2013=Self Betterment” banner to hang on the ceiling of our bedroom.
  • Speak more Mandarin. Wow Mandarin is hard!
  • Stop unconsciously spitting on people’s fences during neighborhood runs.
  • Listen to more Sum 41, or at least follow them on Twitter.
  • Stop getting called “Hippo” by kids in the High Point neighborhood during my runs :( I have to restrain myself to not stop and remind these kids what they must have forgotten during recess: adult male hippos can be quite aggressive, especially towards humans, and especially especially towards little ratty kids who don’t yet read wikipedia.
  • Drink less Monster and Rockstar; consume way more 5 Hour Energy.
  • Get fewer whiteheads on my chest, or get better at popping them.
  • Smile more often.
  • Quit Facebook.


  • Listen to more Fabulous Thunderbirds.
  • Smell like a guy who likes watching other guys, preferably without shirts, fight. (pictured below; thanks Terry!)
  • Throw away all my leftover Extenze pills.
  • Not give up on the idea of getting last place in running an XC race this fall for SRC.
  • Become Ok with quitting Facebook.

Pretty rough ratio up there, considering it’s only January 8th. Not all those failures are set in stone though (nor are the successes). It’s an ongoing test. A battle, if you will. A war. I can still quit Facebook. I can still make that banner. I can still move further away from that High Point neighborhood with the kids who think I’m fat.

I’m probably not gonna make that Mandarin goal though.

  • Terry

    nO pROBELM!!!1 Btw, bullet point #4 is not a failure yet –

  • Anthony Robertson

    My thought is if you succeed in at least 1 new years resolution in 2012 then you get to take 2013 off. Yeah buddy.

  • Martin Criminale

    You didn’t list ‘post another entry on this blog at least once per month’ in either column… I’m still waiting. :)

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