Yesterday in the mid afternoon I received an email from the fine folks at SRC alerting me and all others on their email list that if we wanted to, in the next 2 hours we could submit our top 10 choices for race numbers (between 1-300). First come, first serve. A neat little idea. Since I was at work, I had nothing better to do and IM’d my brother (also at work and likely bored) for a little brainstorming session.

One might think the obvious choice is #1, a race number I’m actually not unfamiliar with. But one would be wrong. Unless you are in the running to win the race, looking down at your bib halfway through the race and seeing "1" serves more as a reminder that you are in fact very far from #1 in both that race and surely other aspects of life. What one wants with a number, if they have a choice, is something they can glance at or think of in a moment of hunger and feel either strength or pure happiness/amusement. Either a tonic to climb over the pain or a pill to help forget it if only for a few moments.

Before I get to my top 10, I’ll relay some of the poor numbers that had to be axed. At first, under pressure of time and with literally millions of options before me, I panicked and just started picking numbers almost at random, starting with athletes I admired (Will Clark, Scottie Pippen, Zack Greinke) and then moving on to even less inspiring choices, like my birthday and my cat’s weight converted to ounces, but cooler heads eventually prevailed thanks to my brother, who felt not the pressure I did and casually started dropping winners left and right.

In numerical order, here are a few he and eventually I was able to bump:

#8 – Steve Young…plus my ultimate goal of 8 hours – Montana was the man when I was a kid, but Young was at the helm when I started religiously watching NFL Primetime at the Carmichael’s house Sunday evenings. Plus he was left handed. And Mormon. And hot.

#9 – The age at which I started shaving.

#19 – Top 20! – By mile 10 I’d probably forgot what 19 meant and get upset.

#23 – Zack Greinke – Maybe last year this would have worked…this year it’d just make me sad and reflexively cause me to drop down and start doing some girl pushups.

#29 – My % body fat and reminder that finishing this race will surely drop it to 28.6 or something much more respectable.

#33 – Scottie Pippen – Would not inspire me or amuse me…would probably only remind me of all the acne I had in 1992. Also possibly the number AC Slater wore on the Bayside football team?

#34 – Bo Jackson – His Tecmo Super Bowl persona is legendary, but at mile 37 I think the last thing I’ll need is a reminder that I am in no position to comfortably sit and play some TSB w/an ice cold glass of Rockstar, nor will I be for at least a couple hours.

#69, #169, #269 – I was once 26, I won’t deny I had a cruddy sense of humor and not all of it has left me.

#80 – Jerry Rice – Obviously the greatest WR ever, but why did he have to go and end his career with the Raiders and Seahawks?

#98 – The year of my high school graduating class. Because nothing inspires me more than the thought of myself at the age of 18, a full head of really bad hair, few friends, and only heroic (COUGHwiffleballCOUGH) greatness in my future.

#103 – A production company I started with Mark Montgomery way back in high school…we eventually had a business license and everything! I think our total gross profit was minus eleventy hundred dollars, so in hindsight maybe not all that inspiring. Fun, but uninspiring.

#187 – Murder was the case that they gave me!

#214 – My birthday! What better motivation to grind through those final miles than the reminder that…my birthday is in 6.5 months?

(and then there were a few we bandied about despite being past the 300 barrier)

#420 – Terry was once 26, but he won’t deny that he had a cruddy sense of humor and not all of it has left him.

#530 – The zipcode to my hometown of Chico, CA. When I stated this one, Terry responded with “ha, loser!”

#619 – Terry’s preference for a zip code number, which points you to San Diego…hometown of one pro wrestler Rey Mysterio, who also has a awesomely retarded move called the “619″. This brought on a potpourri of wrestling-related numbers and got us sidetracked for about 20 minutes.

711 – Their slurpees were once post-run staples on the high school XC team, back when we’d loiter outside by our hot rods and plan the evening’s events…usually N64 parties, donuts, soda, and zero women.

So those were cut. After about 20 minutes I had a list of 10 I was willing to submit. I’ve tried not to think about this since I hit “send” since I knew I’d obviously come up with better ideas once the pressure was gone.

(drumroll)

1. #42 – Teen Wolf – Terry’s first idea that got me off the “real athlete” kick and begot a flood of inspiring/hilarious character athletes, none more inspiring/hilarious than Teen Wolf himself. The body hair, the 73″ vertical leap, the ladies, the marketing campaign, the good grades, the jealous teammates, the breakdancing in the high school halls, the pissed principal, biting into beer cans after games, etc etc. Suffice to say that Teen Wolf would not only set the course record at White River, he’d do it with style. And head lice.

2. #3 – Kelly Leak – Speaking of head lice, I’d place Kelly 2nd only to WWWWWWWOLF! in terms of sheer badassery and dominance…plus he was a 12 year old who smoked, rode a Harley, and wasn’t afraid to approach adult women in a ballet class, rattle off his little league stats, and still seem to possess a shot at actually bagging the broad. “I’m hitting .841…I’m on the Bears. You live around here? I got a Harley Davidson. Does that turn you on? A Harley Davidson?”

3. #00 – Misc – I know it wasn’t between 1-300, but I had to include it just in case it was possible. Follow in the footsteps of Jeffrey Leonard, Robert Parish and…most importantly, Willie Mays Hayes. Also, I’m just guessing but I wouldn’t be surprised if Chubby from Teen Wolf also wore double zero. (nope, i was wrong…he wore 55)

4. #71 – Bill Goldberg – One of the stars from the heyday or pro wrestling’s comeback in the late 90s and the name I always drop when I want to make my brother wince and/or laugh. Terry’s over-the-top impersonations of Goldberg are always gold. The mere thought of them makes me laugh. So why not use his number from when he sporadically played 3 seasons in the NFL before donning the ol’ fanny pack and climbing into the squared circle?

5. #12 – Tanner Boyle – The yin to Kelly Leak’s yang on the Bad News Bears, Tanner never backed down from anybody, even going toe-to-toe with Kelly Leak himself before a game when Kelly dared call him a “runt”. He might fail at White River, but not for lack of trying and not for lack of swear words on the course or fisticuffs with fellow runners.

6. #99 – Ricky Vaughn – Wild Thing from “Major League,” a movie that should be thought of more highly than it is…which is pretty damn high to begin with. Rick Vaughn’s badassery has been hampered by the 80s-era cheese “Major League” expels when trying to get “cool,” but it’s all worth it for the scene early on when he, Willie Mays Hayes and that boring Jake Taylor guy go to dinner at a nice restaurant. Vaughn wears a sleeveless leather vest with a tie, lamenting that “I look like a banker in this.” In my head, had I gotten this number, my opponents on the White River course would be the douchey guy that Jake Taylor’s ex is dating, and I’d be Vaughn in my banker suit. “You want me to drag him outta here…kick the shit out of him?”

7. #13 – Pedro Cerrano – Pedro from “Major League” was a little too religious, relying a bit too much on superstition for my tastes, but his ensemble when arriving to Spring Training (full length open black trench coat…no undershirt), and his practice of shaving his head with a bowie knife, is the kind of mind frame I would want to have when the chips are down at mile 7.

8. #11 – The number of tackles Bill Goldberg racked up in his three NFL seasons. Every time I looked down and saw “11″ on my bib I’d think to Bill Goldberg tackling somebody and doing that Bill Goldberg-thing he’d do in WCW after spearing/injuring some jobber…and what Terry did before occassional ABs in the wiffleball league.

9. #25 – Barry Bonds – Only two actual human athletes made the cut, and he’s one. The greatest hitter who ever lived, arguably the greatest all-round player to every play the game, inspiring me, the greatest runner–from Chico California–to ever grace this course. The amusing thought here…hmm…only thing springing to mind is Bonds acting all surly to fat sportswriters and their hawaiian shirts that are covered in mustard stains and diet coke. That’s never not amusing.

10. #22 – Will Clark – And the other human athlete. My first-ever athletic hero, I’d also find amusing the thought of him cackling at me in that voice of his to “gidder dun!” or spitting tobacco juice at me & calling me a faggot runner.

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I also plan to bring the ol’ iPod shuffle with me for only the 2nd time ever. I plan to merely use it at certain points when I find myself both a) in need and b) completely isolated. If I was guaranteed to have a fellow runner nearby at all times, I’d forgo this plan, but I distinctly recall last year’s race, when I saw WAY more people than I thought I’d see actually wearing earbuds, including a few elites, and I distinctly recall being alone for 90% of miles 27-50 and wishing I had some goddamn music to break up some of the monotony. The shuffle weighing about the amount of a standard-issue postage stamp, and being about as cumbersome, was the final straw. I have 7.5 hours on it, ready to go. I know I will not be alone for 7.5 hours of the race, but I also know my patience level will be less than usual and I will be skipping many songs if they don’t fit the exact spirit I’m jonesing for.

The 7.5 hours is led by the Three Kings of Peter Gabriel’s “Sky Blue,” 69 Boyz’ “Tootsie Roll,” and, of course, this:

(Oh yeah, this morning I found out I indeed got #42. Only a couple days to find myself a long brown wig and let my body hair grow back in.)